Month 6

   My little cowboy. 6 months. 6 long and short months. When I first laid eyes on you on that warm February day, I thought my heart could never feel fuller. But in 6 months it has only grown and expanded to levels I never knew possible. You are a bright and reliable light in our lives. You love freely and fully and forgive just the same. You are patient and easygoing. You are strong. You are funny. You are the little boy of my dreams.

Stats:

19 lbs (80%) 29.5" (off charts)

You are a rolling machine.

You are also a planking machine.

You will be crawling in no time.

You still love your jumper but only if everyone is in your line of vision. I have snuck out of the room to get ready too many times and you are on to me.

You have survived the torture of crying it out. I honestly got to the point where my brain was telling me I was going to die from lack of sleep. I have never experienced this level of exhaustion. You cried 30 min for the first nap, 35 for the afternoon and 35 for the night. That was 3 days ago and since then I haven't heard you at all! That might have more to do with me turning the volume off on the monitor but hooray! I am finally getting some quality sleep and you still love me.

Twice this month you have fussed when I tried to rock you to sleep and out of options I laid you down in your crib only for you to quietly fall asleep on your own. 

You are really attached to momma and my right arm is getting really buff toting you around.

You have had carrots, apples and peas. You are getting better about swallowing but so far aren't crazy about any of it.

After various tests with the allergist it has been determined that you have no food allergies but are intolerant to dairy, soy, mold, pollen, cats and dogs. So relieved you will grow out of your dairy and soy sensitivity.

You find potty training hilarious and laugh hysterically when your sister is in tears. Thanks for the levity you bring to those situations.

Just in the last few days you have gotten much better at sitting up on your own.

We just adore you, Buddy Gus!

Month 5

  Oh my oh my, you are 5 months my little guy. I can't believe how long and short it has been. It feels long in that I feel I have known you all my life and short in that it feels like yesterday that I first saw your face. I am so completely smitten with you, it is ridiculous. You are a joyful child. 90% of the pictures I have of you show the huge smile that is always on your face. Even while you are in the depths of some serious teething, you continue to grace us with huge grins.

-18 lbs and 27.5 inches long

-Mostly in 6-12 or 9-12 month clothing, which I expected you to be in for cooler months so you don't have much to wear right now. 

-I bought you some hippy dippy teething necklace and while I have my doubts that it is working, I am too scared to remove it for fear of what it might bring on

-You still aren't much for rolling but you will boot scoot like it's nobody's business. If I leave you on a blanket for a minute, you are inevitably off it and across the room by the time I return

-You LOVE your sister. Oh my goodness, you already find her so hilarious. You are very patient with her when she spends hours upon hours rubbing your fuzzy bird hair.

-I think it might be safe to say you are becoming a Momma's Boy. You definitely search me out in a crowd of people and cry the second I leave the room

-We are still having late night dates, or early morning. Sometimes they are at 3:30 or 4 which is alright by me, but other times they are at 12:30 and again at 4, which isn't so alright with me. Last night you slept until 6 (!!!!) which is directly correlated to us taking you to a late dinner. There is a pattern here, every time you have slept through the night except once, you have been out past 8 with us.

-Your fingers must taste real nice. They are in your mouth all day long. You gag yourself at least once a day because they are so far down your throat. You are a slobbery mess all the time.

-You love to be sung to. It is quite the confidence booster for me when you fuss and then become calm and happy when I sing.

-You are the easiest traveler. I can take you out for errands, bring you home for 5 minutes and put you right back in the car seat for more adventures without hearing a peep.

-I took you on a run for the first time a few weeks ago and you literally smiled at me the whole time. T'was the happiest run of my life.

-You have impeccable comedic timing already. We were outside reading books with your sister when she picked out a princess book to read. You started blowing raspberries and toot noises immediately, sharing your opinion of princess books with us.

-More people are starting to confess that you look like my side of the family. I think it is becoming more apparent everyday.

-Your thighs are very close to no longer fitting in the Bumbo but that's alright as you are getting very close to sitting up on your own.

-I think you might be a drummer at heart. Every time you hear a beat you get really still listening and then start to smile really big.

-Your cheeks are really ticklish and I love to kiss them and hear your sweet giggle.

-You are definitely ready to start eating as you watch me longingly while I shove every bite into my mouth.

-We had an appointment with the allergist and will be doing a blood, stool and back prick test. This brings me so much relief to know we will have more definitive answers as to what bothers you so.

Starting a New Job

I'm starting a new job sometime in August! After several months of feeling overwhelmed and disorganized and lots of prayer, I have decided to pursue a new job!

This job will be difficult. It will require endless daytime and nighttime hours and even overtime on weekends. Many things will be asked of me and I will have to continually learn new things everyday. Some days I'll get to do medicinal work, sometimes I will be a chef.  I will have to do maintenance and cleaning. I've been told that I am expected to teach. I will have to account for finances and work within a budget. I will have to oversee the whole operation.

This job will be the best. There is time set aside during the day for naps and playing. Imagination is encouraged and creativity shall know no boundaries. In this job I am encouraged to seek inspiration from outside sources. I can do this job in the home or away from the home, maybe even at a park. Exercising during work hours is encouraged. Casual attire is welcomed. I will get rewarded daily with smiles and hugs. I will get to make my own schedule.

But the main reason this job is the best, is that I will get to be with my children everyday that I work. I have decided to quit my current job and my new job is a full-time stay at home momma. I truly had the best part-time job working for my father-in-law but after having Gus my days in the office went from 3 to 2 and most weeks I couldn't even manage that. I constantly felt like I was missing things at work and this created stress. I felt guilty that my co-workers were having to pick up my slack. And at the same time I felt disorganized at home. I felt as though I couldn't devote my full attention to our household and our children. I was lacking balance and something had to give. I am filled with joy that Dave has blessed me with the honor of staying home with our children. I am nervous that this is the most intense position I will ever be given and the childhood of my children will be directly affected by how well I perform. I will turn to God and pray for grace. I will admit my faults and ask for forgiveness. I will cry, I will rejoice. I will be strong and stand firm in my beliefs and reasoning. I will not be perfect. I will try my best. This is the career I've chosen and I really want to knock this one out of the park.

The Best Little Big Sister I Know

Dear Rivers, 

While I doubt this will be a memory that fades, I felt the need to put this into words just in case. I want to make sure it is forever remembered what an incredible sister you have been from the beginning. I am truly in awe of the loving heart you have for your brother and how you have so unabashedly accepted him and made room for him in your life. You constantly amaze me and make me want to better myself. I watch you and pray that I can love as fiercely and freely as you do so naturally.

You have always been the most concerned of any of us when Gus cries. You are the first to rush to his side and as more time passes you feel confident than you can comfort him without assistance from anyone else. You often tell me "Mommy, I got him" and you do. You are there before I can get there and your two little hands are on either side of his face, stroking him and telling him "It's alright, Gussy. It's ok, big boy." You are naturally nurturing in a way I could only hope to be.

You are quickly becoming, Gussy's favorite. I can't blame the fellow, you are hilarious but it is more than that. I can tell he truly trusts you. Even when he was a newborn and you would ask to hold him, I would watch and see him visibly relax in your arms. It is that way to date. He is perfectly content as long as you are in the room with him.

Everything we do, you want to make sure Gus is included in. When I tell you that we are going to the grocery store you ask "Can Gussy come?" I know you may not want your little brother to tag along to everything in your life but I can already tell you will always make room for him.

I pick you up from school and the whole car ride home you are talking to him and telling him how you missed him. "Gus, I missed you, buddy!" Even when we finally make it home you continue to tell me how much you missed your Gus and how much you love him.

Everyday, I am reassured that we did the right thing by adding to our family and giving you a sibling. I always knew I wanted him but I did not know how you would feel about it and you have quickly dispelled any worries I had. You are truly the most loving big sister I have ever seen and your empathy and heart measure well beyond your two and a half years of age. It makes me want to give you lots and lots of siblings but for now I'll let you enjoy just the one.

Month Four

I'm definitely a little late in posting this but I wanted to get it down before you turned five months and the two started to blur together. I cannot believe you are four months old already. I cannot believe how much you have grown and changed before my very eyes. I look at pictures of you as a newborn and it feels so long ago and so foreign. I was so distraught by your digestive issues that I wasn't really paying attention to YOU and the beautiful creature you are. I am sorry for that. It is something I will never be able to change but I can tell you now I wake up everyday in awe of you and the beautiful and patient child you are. You may be one addition to our family but you have blessed our lives an immeasurable amount.

16 lbs 5 oz 27.25"

You love to hold hands, especially when you are drinking your bottle. You fidget and squirm until you get someone's hand and then you sit still and quietly drink.

You eat, play, sleep in 3 hr rounds. Isn't that the Babywise method? You seemed to have put yourself on this rhythm with no help from me.

We have been adding rice cereal to bottle per the pediatrician's recommendation to help you sleep longer. I am constantly doing things I said I would never do as a mother, like introducing solids before 6 months and putting cereal in a bottle. But boy, I'm getting desperate for more sleep and the formula you are on is made of nothing so you get hungry all the time.

It has been decided that you probably have more allergies. More digestive, skin and respiratory. We will be seeing an allergist at the end of July for testing. 

As always, smiling nonstop. You are the smiliest thing I have ever seen.

You are already getting hard to rock to sleep. You squirm and rub your face and can't seem to settle and maul the face of whoever is holding you.

Your bib, hands or pacifier are in your mouth at all times. You are a slobbery mess

You watch mommy's every move and start crying when I leave the room.

You are watching sister and find her hilarious.

You giggle occassionally and it is the best thing ever 

You are wearing 9 month pjs because you are so long. 

Your hair is growing like weeds

You are growing like a weed

You are a great traveller

You are becoming a hip rider but your head is still too heavy for you sometimes

You love your bumbo and swing the most 

You actually like Sophie the Giraffe

We cannot wait to watch you continue to grow and look forward to the continued joy you have added to our lives. We love you Gussy!

Month Three

My delightful darling boy, oh my I love you so much. I can literally feel my heart swell when I look at you. You are so much fun and smile all the time. It is a whole new world of baby that was uncharted for me. I can leave you on your play mat for over an hour before you even make a squeak. I can push you in a stroller at the outlet mall all day and hear narry a peep out of you until you are hungry. I'm loving every minute and wishing time would slow because you are completely edible right now and I love how you are immobile and therefore subject to my every cuddle desire. I really adore you and I want you to know that I know just how blessed I am to have you as my son.

Here's some fun facts about your third month:

- You weigh 15 lbs and 3 ounces

- You are wearing 3-6 month clothes now and not swimming in them

- You slept through the night twice. The second of which your sister did the same and it was the first night where a child has not awoken me in 7 months. Seven!!!!

- You are so close to giggling but just can't get the eruption yet. It's just as cute to watch you try.

- You have rolled both ways but just like your sister it was a one time show. You guys don't like repeating your tricks.

- You are totally formula fed. When it came time to try nursing you again you had a cold and I was too scared to try afraid I would cause you more discomfort. You seem to be doing just fine on formula and I am slowly letting go of the guilt I feel by not nursing you.

- You are so loved and adored by your sister. She tells me all the time about things she is going to teach you to do someday, namely how to ride a bike and eat a muffin. She always wants to touch you or hold your hand and is the most concerned of all of us when you start crying.

- You still really love ceiling fans and chandeliers.

- You have started teething and aren't very happy about it.

- You don't really love the Moby anymore which makes me sad because I anticipated at least a year of baby wearing. I think it makes you too hot but I'll keep trying.

- Speaking if hot you run really warm and have the clammiest hands and feet.

- You prefer to be held and rocked to sleep.

- You still aren't crazy about your pacifier but take it when you can tell I need you to.

- You are a bright ray of easygoing afternoon sunshine in our lives and we love you!!

Month Two

Oh sweet August boy, you are already two months old. These past two months have been long and hard but they have passed so quickly. Unfortunately, I was operating in a heavy fog most of the time but


-You weigh 13 lbs 7 ounces and are 24.5 inches long.
-Your sleep has become pretty regular and you go down around 8:30, wake around 2 for a bottle and are down again until 6. Pretty incredible actually. Now if we could only get your sister to stay in bed and not wake up screaming then we would be in the money. As of now our house is a merry-go-round with her up around midnight, you at 2, Rivers at 4 and the whole family around 6. It's the unmerriest kind of merry-go-round actually.
-You are THE biggest smiler. I am so happy to have a child who so willingly and lovingly flashes the grins. This is not something we experienced with your sister and it is so fun. You can be fussing and within two seconds of someone talking to you in a high pitched voice your face is overcome with big ole grin. It's the cutest.
-You are cooing and talking a lot. We have some pretty lovely conversations actually. 
-Once we switched you to formula at 6 weeks, you instantly changed from the most difficult baby in the world to the easiest baby in the world. You only fuss when you are hungry, dirty or tired. Other than that you are perfectly content. We can literally go six hours without a single cry as long as I am attentive to your little fusses and address your needs quickly. It is delightful.
-You are holding your head up very well and you did very well in your bumbo for the first time the other day.
-Your sister got very sick this last week and you spent a lot of time away from home in an effort to stay well. I missed you dearly. I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do.
-We saw a specialist and what we once were told was lactose intolerance is instead a milk protein allergy. I have been dairy free since Thursday and will try to nurse you again this Friday, one week later. I'm not making much anymore but I feel like any little bit will be good for you. Let's hope this works.
-Your hair is growing like gangbusters and it is coming in brown. You will definitely be darker-haired than Rivers.
-It took us a while to notice but we discovered you have two webbed toes on each foot like your dad and Aunt Marley.
-You can still fit in some 0-3 month clothing, if they are separates but you are mostly wearing 3-6 month because you are so long.
-You sleep in your crib now! Bless your dad for taking care of this while I was in the hospital with Rivers. You had been sleeping in your rock and play in your bedroom and every night we would talk about moving you to the crib tomorrow because we were both so desperate for a good night's sleep. But alas, it is done and you sleep splendidly!
-You are off reflux meds. You still spit up quite a bit but you are unphased by it.
-

A Babe is Born

I sat in the doctor's office at almost 40 weeks and stared at the calendar on the wall while discussing induction dates. Dr. K told me she would induce me anyday after 40 weeks and while I wanted to  fight induction this go around, I also wanted this baby to be born in February and not March. It was very silly but I think I had so long told people I was due in February that I mentally could not picture having him in March. I chose Wednesday February 27th, for induction, in case it took over 24 hours and then he would still have a February birthday. I got a call from the doctor's office the next day saying the hospital had no availability of Wednesday so I moved it to Tuesday. There it was. The end of my pregnancy was in sight. Part of me was holding out hope that the full moon on February 25th would send me into labor. Silly wives tales.

The full moon in front of our house as I showered and Dave let the dog out.

I wasn't sleeping well at night and so at 2 am on February 25th I found myself laying wide awake in bed fretting over my decision to be induced. Maybe I should let him come in March if that is what he wants. Could I handle the mental anguish of maybe waiting up to another week for delivery? I could tell he was getting big, could I deliver an even larger baby? I started to think about a sermon I had heard in church a few weeks prior about the sin of worrying. I prayed to God to remove my worries and fears and placed my trust in Him. I awoke again at 5:30 am and on my walk to the restroom, just as my feet moved from carpet in our bedroom to tile in our bathroom - GUSH. I could hear Rivers wake up at that exact moment and I was flooded with relief. This was exactly the start of delivery I had hoped for. Water breaking, a clear sign labor was imminent, Rivers well rested and not jostled in the middle of the night, an early morning start to delivery so that everyone was operating on a night of rest, and the cold that had been plaguing our family for weeks suddenly was not present. God is so good. I walked out of our bedroom to find Dave who was now rocking a drowsy Rivers and said "Babe", to which he shushed me because he was trying to get Rivers back to sleep, "Babe" I started again "my water broke." I watched as he immediately came to life and reached for his cell phone to call his parents. I told him there was no real rush and that I was going to shower.

By 6:10 am we were in the car and driving to his parents house to drop off Rivers. I started to feel some mild discomfort in the car but for the most part it felt so surreal that today was the day. We dropped Rivers off and drove the remaining distance to the hospital. I had wanted to avoid an epidural this go around to test my own strength but as our feet crossed the threshold to Memorial Hospital, I turned to Dave and stated that I was getting the epidural. We waited for some time to be lead to delivery and at this point the contractions were starting to come on. It was pretty clear at this point I was going to be experiencing back labor.

When we arrived in the delivery wing we were met with a sassy nurse who looked at me and said "Can I help you?" It makes me laugh to recall it even now. I told her my waters had broken and she sighed and told me I was just going to have to wait because they were in the middle of a shift change. Sure. I'll wait here in labor. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. She told us which room we could head to and 15 minutes later someone delivered a gown. I did my quick change and we waited for what seemed like an hour until my angelic nurse Amy walked in. Immediately I was at ease and I knew in that moment how fortunate I was to have her. She checked me and by this point I was at a 4. My mom arrived soon after and we all settled in while the contractions started building. The back labor was pretty miserable and the only position I found bearable was to sit up Indian style with my legs folded while both Dave and my mom pushed on my back during contractions. The contractions continued to build and I was asking for the epidural but the anesthesiologist was booked for two c-sections so I had a lot of time to wait. My back started to get tired from sitting up and my arms as well but I couldn't move positions because anything else made the contractions too unbearable. I finally caved and asked Amy for Fentanyl. I had wussed out with Rivers and gotten this drug and found it only provided 10 minutes of relief. I really wanted to avoid it this go around as it does affect the baby but by this point 10 minutes of relief sounded amazing. I got the Fentanyl and felt high for about 30 minutes after. It was just the relief I needed while waiting for the epidural which didn't end up coming for another hour. The anesthesiologist walked in with a beam of light behind him. With Rivers my epidural was way too strong and I couldn't walk for 8 hours after. This go around was completely different. It was the epidural of my dreams. I couldn't feel the pain of contractions but could still move my legs and felt pressure when it came time to push. As the epidural kicked in I tried to take a little nap but the excitement of meeting my son prohibited this and I kept waking up to chat with my mom or Dave. I was progressing pretty regularly ever hour and by 1 pm I was pretty much ready to go despite a little bit of the bag of waters remaining and waiting on my doctor who was busy in another procedure off sight. By the time the doctor arrived what was left of my waters was gone and it was time to go. Dave bragged to the doctor, who is a client of his, that I got Rivers out in three pushes and challenged me to do the same with this baby. As soon as I started pushing it became clear why I had such bad back labor as August was sunny side up. Somewhere around the second push I heard them say something about two cords and in my stupor I thought Wow, he has two umbilical cords! Instead, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice but miraculously he tolerated labor very well and his heart rate was not affected. Sure enough, on the third set of pushes, buddy boy was out. I was immediately taken with how much he reminded me of Rivers. He seemed so tiny to me but all the nurses and the doctor were talking about what a big baby he was. They placed him on the scale and I was so surprised to hear my predicted baby of 7.5 lbs was actually 8 pounds 11 ounces and 21.25 inches long. I suddenly understood why my belly had been so large. August latched on perfectly soon after and we were immediate friends. It was the delivery I had dreamed of and prayed for and it had just been realized. I was on Cloud 9.

Leaving for the hospital.

Dropping Rivers off at Moggy and Tampa's house.

Momma rubbing my back while contractions were still bearable. 

This is definitely post epidural when I could finally sit back. Homegirl be feeling GOOD.

So blessed to have my Momma there for the delivery.

Month One

It wasn't pretty but we did it baby boy. We survived your first month. The first week of your life we spent in a blissed out state together and you were such a calm baby and rarely cried. Our pediatrician told us you were an easy baby and we smiled in agreement. Then things changed. You spent almost all your awake time crying. You only slept hard when someone was holding you and if they laid you down you awoke within ten minutes. You spit up a lot. A lot. And your body writhed in pain when you did. I just knew something was wrong with you but couldn't find the culprit and drove myself into depression looking for answers and coming up empty handed. I blamed myself, my overabundant supply of milk, my disappearing supply of milk, my stress. It took me to a dark place. At your one month appointment today you were diagnosed with acid reflux. It breaks my heart to know that your pain and screaming was not from being colic or a fussy baby but from the excruciating pain your esophagus was experiencing. You were prescribed medicine and I'm hopeful it will work. We came home from the appointment and I already felt lighter. I had an answer that fit everything I was worried about. The barrier that was blocking me from fully connecting with you was suddenly removed and I fell more in love with you instantly. We have more hurdles to go as you are also going to be tested for lactose intolerance due to some other symptoms but I am no longer clouded. I'm sorry I spent your first month not understanding you or your pain but I'm looking forward to making up that time now. I love you my sweet son. You truly have made my life complete.

One month stats:

-10 pounds 9 ounces- 74%
-23 inches long - 93%
-You are strong! You pretty much came out of the womb holding your head up. Every Dr. and nurse comments on your strength.
-You love the double ceiling fan at Oma's house.
-You sleep best when it is dark so during the day we have to put part of the blanket over your face.
-You are quite the little sneezer.
-You love to eat and nursing you was perfect from the beginning.
-Your sister adores you and is always asking to hold you.
-You sleep best on your side and now we know why with your reflux.
-I've seen a few smiles but you really flash the grins for Oma.
-You suck on your hands and fingers when you are getting hungry.
-Your longest stretch of sleep was 3.5 hours. Most of the time in the night you are down 8:30-12, then back up at 2:30, 4:30 and Rivers usually wakes us both up at 6. I'm looking forward to more sleep.
-You are already reaching the bottom of length for 0-3 months but aren't filling them out much.

May I Introduce you to someone?

August Gregory Bynum
Born February 25, 2013 at 2:51 pm
8 pounds 11 ounces

More of a story to come.