A Birth Story

This isn't "the" birth story. That is to come when I can find the time to figure out how to load my pictures off my new camera. Rather, this is a story of my conscious realization that I am now a mother to two. Two little human beings who need more of me than I feel I am capable of giving at times. I expected a period of adjustment. I flat out told people I expected the first year to be ridiculously challenging but I could have never predicted how exactly that would feel. I am a constant rollercoaster of emotions. Vacillating between euphoria and depression. I am overjoyed with all the blessings in my life and continually thank God for my two healthy and beautiful children and loving husband. And then five minutes later I am again overwhelmed by a fussy baby who I am struggling to figure out and a toddler who has forgotten how to speak and now uses varying degrees of whining to communicate what she wants. In one moment I am throwing pillows violently onto my bed to release frustration and two minutes later I am smiling with eyes filled with mist as Rivers asks to hold Gus again and I see his little body visibly relax in her arms. I am hormonal, I am sleep deprived and perhaps I am being a little hard on myself but I can continually hear God calling to me to tell me to step it up. And I know that is what I need to do. I have everything and more that I ever prayed for and I am blinded from it by my own selfishness and sin. These days are long but I know from Rivers these years are short. Today I'm choosing to be born a better mother. Wish me luck and pray for me?