A Babe is Born

I sat in the doctor's office at almost 40 weeks and stared at the calendar on the wall while discussing induction dates. Dr. K told me she would induce me anyday after 40 weeks and while I wanted to  fight induction this go around, I also wanted this baby to be born in February and not March. It was very silly but I think I had so long told people I was due in February that I mentally could not picture having him in March. I chose Wednesday February 27th, for induction, in case it took over 24 hours and then he would still have a February birthday. I got a call from the doctor's office the next day saying the hospital had no availability of Wednesday so I moved it to Tuesday. There it was. The end of my pregnancy was in sight. Part of me was holding out hope that the full moon on February 25th would send me into labor. Silly wives tales.

The full moon in front of our house as I showered and Dave let the dog out.

I wasn't sleeping well at night and so at 2 am on February 25th I found myself laying wide awake in bed fretting over my decision to be induced. Maybe I should let him come in March if that is what he wants. Could I handle the mental anguish of maybe waiting up to another week for delivery? I could tell he was getting big, could I deliver an even larger baby? I started to think about a sermon I had heard in church a few weeks prior about the sin of worrying. I prayed to God to remove my worries and fears and placed my trust in Him. I awoke again at 5:30 am and on my walk to the restroom, just as my feet moved from carpet in our bedroom to tile in our bathroom - GUSH. I could hear Rivers wake up at that exact moment and I was flooded with relief. This was exactly the start of delivery I had hoped for. Water breaking, a clear sign labor was imminent, Rivers well rested and not jostled in the middle of the night, an early morning start to delivery so that everyone was operating on a night of rest, and the cold that had been plaguing our family for weeks suddenly was not present. God is so good. I walked out of our bedroom to find Dave who was now rocking a drowsy Rivers and said "Babe", to which he shushed me because he was trying to get Rivers back to sleep, "Babe" I started again "my water broke." I watched as he immediately came to life and reached for his cell phone to call his parents. I told him there was no real rush and that I was going to shower.

By 6:10 am we were in the car and driving to his parents house to drop off Rivers. I started to feel some mild discomfort in the car but for the most part it felt so surreal that today was the day. We dropped Rivers off and drove the remaining distance to the hospital. I had wanted to avoid an epidural this go around to test my own strength but as our feet crossed the threshold to Memorial Hospital, I turned to Dave and stated that I was getting the epidural. We waited for some time to be lead to delivery and at this point the contractions were starting to come on. It was pretty clear at this point I was going to be experiencing back labor.

When we arrived in the delivery wing we were met with a sassy nurse who looked at me and said "Can I help you?" It makes me laugh to recall it even now. I told her my waters had broken and she sighed and told me I was just going to have to wait because they were in the middle of a shift change. Sure. I'll wait here in labor. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. She told us which room we could head to and 15 minutes later someone delivered a gown. I did my quick change and we waited for what seemed like an hour until my angelic nurse Amy walked in. Immediately I was at ease and I knew in that moment how fortunate I was to have her. She checked me and by this point I was at a 4. My mom arrived soon after and we all settled in while the contractions started building. The back labor was pretty miserable and the only position I found bearable was to sit up Indian style with my legs folded while both Dave and my mom pushed on my back during contractions. The contractions continued to build and I was asking for the epidural but the anesthesiologist was booked for two c-sections so I had a lot of time to wait. My back started to get tired from sitting up and my arms as well but I couldn't move positions because anything else made the contractions too unbearable. I finally caved and asked Amy for Fentanyl. I had wussed out with Rivers and gotten this drug and found it only provided 10 minutes of relief. I really wanted to avoid it this go around as it does affect the baby but by this point 10 minutes of relief sounded amazing. I got the Fentanyl and felt high for about 30 minutes after. It was just the relief I needed while waiting for the epidural which didn't end up coming for another hour. The anesthesiologist walked in with a beam of light behind him. With Rivers my epidural was way too strong and I couldn't walk for 8 hours after. This go around was completely different. It was the epidural of my dreams. I couldn't feel the pain of contractions but could still move my legs and felt pressure when it came time to push. As the epidural kicked in I tried to take a little nap but the excitement of meeting my son prohibited this and I kept waking up to chat with my mom or Dave. I was progressing pretty regularly ever hour and by 1 pm I was pretty much ready to go despite a little bit of the bag of waters remaining and waiting on my doctor who was busy in another procedure off sight. By the time the doctor arrived what was left of my waters was gone and it was time to go. Dave bragged to the doctor, who is a client of his, that I got Rivers out in three pushes and challenged me to do the same with this baby. As soon as I started pushing it became clear why I had such bad back labor as August was sunny side up. Somewhere around the second push I heard them say something about two cords and in my stupor I thought Wow, he has two umbilical cords! Instead, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice but miraculously he tolerated labor very well and his heart rate was not affected. Sure enough, on the third set of pushes, buddy boy was out. I was immediately taken with how much he reminded me of Rivers. He seemed so tiny to me but all the nurses and the doctor were talking about what a big baby he was. They placed him on the scale and I was so surprised to hear my predicted baby of 7.5 lbs was actually 8 pounds 11 ounces and 21.25 inches long. I suddenly understood why my belly had been so large. August latched on perfectly soon after and we were immediate friends. It was the delivery I had dreamed of and prayed for and it had just been realized. I was on Cloud 9.

Leaving for the hospital.

Dropping Rivers off at Moggy and Tampa's house.

Momma rubbing my back while contractions were still bearable. 

This is definitely post epidural when I could finally sit back. Homegirl be feeling GOOD.

So blessed to have my Momma there for the delivery.

Month One

It wasn't pretty but we did it baby boy. We survived your first month. The first week of your life we spent in a blissed out state together and you were such a calm baby and rarely cried. Our pediatrician told us you were an easy baby and we smiled in agreement. Then things changed. You spent almost all your awake time crying. You only slept hard when someone was holding you and if they laid you down you awoke within ten minutes. You spit up a lot. A lot. And your body writhed in pain when you did. I just knew something was wrong with you but couldn't find the culprit and drove myself into depression looking for answers and coming up empty handed. I blamed myself, my overabundant supply of milk, my disappearing supply of milk, my stress. It took me to a dark place. At your one month appointment today you were diagnosed with acid reflux. It breaks my heart to know that your pain and screaming was not from being colic or a fussy baby but from the excruciating pain your esophagus was experiencing. You were prescribed medicine and I'm hopeful it will work. We came home from the appointment and I already felt lighter. I had an answer that fit everything I was worried about. The barrier that was blocking me from fully connecting with you was suddenly removed and I fell more in love with you instantly. We have more hurdles to go as you are also going to be tested for lactose intolerance due to some other symptoms but I am no longer clouded. I'm sorry I spent your first month not understanding you or your pain but I'm looking forward to making up that time now. I love you my sweet son. You truly have made my life complete.

One month stats:

-10 pounds 9 ounces- 74%
-23 inches long - 93%
-You are strong! You pretty much came out of the womb holding your head up. Every Dr. and nurse comments on your strength.
-You love the double ceiling fan at Oma's house.
-You sleep best when it is dark so during the day we have to put part of the blanket over your face.
-You are quite the little sneezer.
-You love to eat and nursing you was perfect from the beginning.
-Your sister adores you and is always asking to hold you.
-You sleep best on your side and now we know why with your reflux.
-I've seen a few smiles but you really flash the grins for Oma.
-You suck on your hands and fingers when you are getting hungry.
-Your longest stretch of sleep was 3.5 hours. Most of the time in the night you are down 8:30-12, then back up at 2:30, 4:30 and Rivers usually wakes us both up at 6. I'm looking forward to more sleep.
-You are already reaching the bottom of length for 0-3 months but aren't filling them out much.

A Birth Story

This isn't "the" birth story. That is to come when I can find the time to figure out how to load my pictures off my new camera. Rather, this is a story of my conscious realization that I am now a mother to two. Two little human beings who need more of me than I feel I am capable of giving at times. I expected a period of adjustment. I flat out told people I expected the first year to be ridiculously challenging but I could have never predicted how exactly that would feel. I am a constant rollercoaster of emotions. Vacillating between euphoria and depression. I am overjoyed with all the blessings in my life and continually thank God for my two healthy and beautiful children and loving husband. And then five minutes later I am again overwhelmed by a fussy baby who I am struggling to figure out and a toddler who has forgotten how to speak and now uses varying degrees of whining to communicate what she wants. In one moment I am throwing pillows violently onto my bed to release frustration and two minutes later I am smiling with eyes filled with mist as Rivers asks to hold Gus again and I see his little body visibly relax in her arms. I am hormonal, I am sleep deprived and perhaps I am being a little hard on myself but I can continually hear God calling to me to tell me to step it up. And I know that is what I need to do. I have everything and more that I ever prayed for and I am blinded from it by my own selfishness and sin. These days are long but I know from Rivers these years are short. Today I'm choosing to be born a better mother. Wish me luck and pray for me?

May I Introduce you to someone?

August Gregory Bynum
Born February 25, 2013 at 2:51 pm
8 pounds 11 ounces

More of a story to come.