A Preschooler.

Today, Rivers started preschool. She will be going Tuesdays and Thursday full days while I'm working. As I had been used to taking her to daycare every Wednesday I thought I would be more emotionally prepared for this but as I drove to work after leaving her the tears welling in my eyes told me otherwise. It is the strangest mix of emotions. I feel guilt, excitement, relief, stress, pride and worry. As I was driving I recalled feeling this way when we started daycare. I remember barely being able to drive to work that day, my eyes were so wet with tears as I wept and worried if I had done the right thing. Today I realized this won't be the last time I feel this way and it will happen time and time again throughout my life. I'm sure I'll feel this when her little brother arrives in February. I will feel this way when she starts kindergarten, elementary, junior high and high school. I will feel this way driving away from her after dropping her off at college.  I will feel this way for the rest of my life - it is the mother's lot in life. It is change and for the first time in my life change is becoming bittersweet. Up until this point in my life change was something I was always ready for. Always ready for the next new exciting thing around the corner. But now? Now I'm protective of my time, my little girl and my heart. She has changed change for me. It is still wonderful but it is oh so bittersweet.