Mlogging: Mom Blogging

Lets be honest, this blog is a real mom show. The fact of life is that there really hasn't been time for much else as of late. Buddy had his digestive issues (which we NOW believe is just a milk allergy, so I'm going dairy free for a week to see if he can in fact tolerate my milk) and poor little Riverdini has been sick since Saturday with a viral infection that caused 9 hours in the ER last night and today full blown hospital admission. Medicine. What a blessing and a curse. Trusting ER Dr.'s who claim there is pneumonia in the lungs and doing a iv antibiotic treatment which brought on violent naseua and sending us home with a five day antibiotic. Today distrusting said ER dr because pediatrician on call at hospital said there is no pneumonia. It is all so frustrating. As I'm standing in the parking lot of the ER last night at 2 am with my itty bitty toddler in a t shirt, diaper and tennis shoes watching her gag and wretch to throw up the saliva left in her belly, tooting at the same time, my heart broke into a million pieces. We had just left the hospital where they are supposed to help heal and yet she seemed sicker than she had been. Today I sat crying in the pediatricians office as she recommend we admit our daughter to the pediatric care unit in town. I didn't want a repeat of last night and yet now that I am here I am more calm than I have been in quite some time and I do feel as though I can trust the care here. I wish I knew more and could help her myself but I can't so I have to put my trust in others. We have been here almost 12 hours now and she is certainly improving. If all continues she could be heading home tomorrow afternoon. In the meantime Gus has been staying with the Grandmas and daddy has been taking care of him at night. The entire family is a little sick now and we are just praying that Gus stays healthy. Health for all actually. I'm ready to get my little family of four back.

The Bar Has Closed

Gus' pediatrician called today and the results of his stool test show he is lactose intolerant. Often babies have a milk allergy when they are little but it is very rare that they are actually lactose intolerant. This explains why even on an elimination diet Gus was not better because breastmilk naturally has lactose in it. I am so thankful for science and lactose free formula because my son is thriving when he probably would have not. It is very surreal to me and sad that I really must give up breastfeeding as there is no hope he will be able to tolerate it for at least up to nine months. I don't even know exactly how to stop. I might continue pumping occassionally for a bit to help me lose these pesky 7 lbs that remain but let's be honest at least two of them are in my boobs right now and I will definitely be able to run faster and more comfortably once they are dried up and gone. Ok let's be real honest, I might actually START running and exercising once they are gone. Ok lets be even more honest and admit that I cant wait to not be burdened with the time consuming task of pumping and cleaning the parts. I took it for granted that I would be able to do this for Gus as I had for Rivers but I have been humbled once again. I used to feel so much pride taking my babes to the dr and having them weighed knowing their body mass was a direct result of what I produced and was able to do for them but again I have been humbled. It does not matter what they weigh or how they came to be that size, it matters that they are healthy and happy children and those are both things I can play a part in. So even though the nursing door is closing, it is opening up doors to more free time and playing with my babes. Not such a bad trade in the end.

An Answer.

Part of the results came back from Gus' stool sample and one thing we know for sure at this point is that there are white blood cells in his stool. This is a symptom of an inflamed gut caused by food allergies. Just as we had suspected. Since Saturday I had been on a self prescribed total elimination diet of rice, sweet potatoes, free range turkey and chicken, yellow and green squash and pears. Delicious. I was supposed to stay on this for two weeks to clean out my system and then slowly faze things back in. By Sunday night I was starving and by Monday my milk supply had been affected and Gus was starving. Tuesday morning our Dr. called and recommended that we switch Gus to Nutramigen formula. She encouraged me to pump if I wanted to and to save the milk as Gus may be able to handle it in a couple of months. I have been doing so but realistically I don't have the freezer space and between caring for a newborn and an almost 2.5 year old I don't have much time to pump. But I will continue to try and maybe I'll donate my milk while I can. So sad to put my nursing pillow away but if it makes my gent feel better I am happy to do so. And oh my, is he better! He has been a sleepy and happy baby all day. He happily sat in his swing for 15 minutes and then fell asleep on his own in said swing for over an hour! The only way he has gone to sleep for six weeks is from someone holding him or me nursing him. He's so tired it is like he's sleeping to catch up on all the sleep he's missed in his first six weeks of life. We have even stopped the Zantac and he is hardly spitting up and if he does he seems unphased by it. I am so happy to see him feeling better and I just pray that it continues and that this is really the answer we have been looking for. Now please excuse me while I go bond with and love on my little man.

The Age of Why

Me: Rivers, you need to pick up your books.
Rivers: Why?
Me: Because your room is messy.
Rivers: Why?
Me: Because you made a mess and mommy wants you to pick it up.
Rivers: Why?
Me: (somewhat smiling by this point) Because Mommy said so.
Rivers: (laughing) Why?
Me: Because!!!
Rivers: (laughing) Mommy you teasing me!
Me: No I'm not teasing you.
Rivers: (laughing harder) You are!

Stop! In the Name of Love

It's been a tough 5 weeks of this guy's life so these little smirks and smiles are few and far between. I can tell he's a smiley guy at heart we've just got to get him feeling better so he can smile all the time. We had an ultrasound today and praise God everything in his belly is built correctly so it is nothing that would require surgery. We are still trying to get a stool sample to test for lactose intolerance but in the meantime I have gone dairy free, it can take up to two weeks to see results. Ice cream, I will miss you so. I've been stressed out and everything that would normally comfort me contains dairy so this should be an adventure. We are making an appointment with a belly specialist doctor at cedars Sinai for next week so hopefully there will be a solution soon. I'm anxious to get more of these smiles.