The Bar Has Closed

Gus' pediatrician called today and the results of his stool test show he is lactose intolerant. Often babies have a milk allergy when they are little but it is very rare that they are actually lactose intolerant. This explains why even on an elimination diet Gus was not better because breastmilk naturally has lactose in it. I am so thankful for science and lactose free formula because my son is thriving when he probably would have not. It is very surreal to me and sad that I really must give up breastfeeding as there is no hope he will be able to tolerate it for at least up to nine months. I don't even know exactly how to stop. I might continue pumping occassionally for a bit to help me lose these pesky 7 lbs that remain but let's be honest at least two of them are in my boobs right now and I will definitely be able to run faster and more comfortably once they are dried up and gone. Ok let's be real honest, I might actually START running and exercising once they are gone. Ok lets be even more honest and admit that I cant wait to not be burdened with the time consuming task of pumping and cleaning the parts. I took it for granted that I would be able to do this for Gus as I had for Rivers but I have been humbled once again. I used to feel so much pride taking my babes to the dr and having them weighed knowing their body mass was a direct result of what I produced and was able to do for them but again I have been humbled. It does not matter what they weigh or how they came to be that size, it matters that they are healthy and happy children and those are both things I can play a part in. So even though the nursing door is closing, it is opening up doors to more free time and playing with my babes. Not such a bad trade in the end.