30 weeks 5 days - But Who's Counting?

This picture was taken at 30 weeks and I'm now almost 31. I think my belly has grown a few inches since then, truthfully. I'm part of the February Babies online group and they had this fun game where everyone was to measure their bellies. I measured 36". I remembering measuring a week or two before Rivers arrived and I was 40" so I still have some to gain. I am definitely starting to feel this pregnancy now. My legs feel thicker, it's harder to stand up and I've had a couple nights where I've had to sleep upright due to indigestion (does this mean he'll have hair??!?!) but overall I'm still feeling pretty great. I cannot believe he will be here so soon. We finally finished his nursery, of which I'll post pictures soon, and I love wandering in there and waiting for him. I remember doing the same thing with Rivers. The anticipation is so exciting.

I finally had another ultrasound today and the little man is measuring right on track, 4 days before my due date. He's about 3.5 pounds now and head down ready to party. This is the first ultrasound where he really looks different than Rivers to me. We decided not to spend the money on a 3d this go around so I'm really excited to see his little face and meet him. I think he has fuller lips than Rivers and a larger nose. He's a real cutie.

Pregnancy Stats:

How Far Along: 30.72 weeks

Size of baby: Four navel oranges (Couldn't they have found a singular item more appropriate?)

Total Weight Gain: 22 lbs

Gender: Boy

Movement: I don't know why but I don't feel a lot of his movement. He seems so quiet to me and usually does slow poking movements with only occasional kicks but at every doctor's appointment they comment on how much he's moving.

Sleep: Rivers has been sick and not sleeping well and we all know how that translates. Also, my hormones are kicking in and once I'm awake I'm WIDE-awake and it takes me a while to fall back asleep.

Cravings: Nothing in particular at the moment.

Best Moment this week: Seeing the little man on ultrasound and watching him cover his face with his little hands. It had been so long since I had seen him that I needed this little reminder that he's growing into a real life baby in my belly.

Bummer moment of the week: Finding out my Dr. no longer delivers at the hospital two minutes away from my house and I will instead be delivering at the hospital 30 minutes across town. Which makes me extra nervous since I will not be induced this time and Rivers spent three days in the NICU where I had to wake up in the middle of the night to drive down and feed her. I think this is my first reminder that you simply cannot plan delivery and must go with the flow.

7 years.

Seven years ago I laid in the backseat of my white Jetta while my cousin drove my car home and my aunt was in the front passenger seat. They had driven down to San Diego in the middle of the night to tell me and bring me home. I kept my head low so that the cars crawling alongside in LA morning commute traffic could not see me crying. I didn't want anyone to see my red and tear smeared face. My whole life had just changed  and I didn't want anyone to see the new me.

Just a few hours before I had been at the library late into the night studying for finals with friends. I hadn't slept much and when I heard the pounding on my apartment door at 2 am it startled and scared me in my sleepy stupor. We lived in an upstairs apartment but the entrance was downstairs. I remember carefully crawling into the kitchen sink so I could peek and see who so vehemently was trying to get into our place. It took me a few seconds to figure it out but then I understood it was my aunt, uncle and cousin. I walked down the stairs and opened the door and said "What are you doing here?" And then I fell backwards because I immediately knew. I had seen with my own eyes the week before that this was going to happen. I scrambled back up the stairs and ran into my room, flinging myself on the floor. Hoping and praying that this wasn't really happening. It is a crazy sensation to experience so much pain and know that your world has ended as you know it and someone you love is gone forever. You wish and hope that it isn't the truth and then your heart breaks even further when you admit to yourself it is.

Seven years later and I can remember virtually every second and minute of the first 24 hours after my dad took his life. It is really odd but I have photographic memories of where I was when he died, several hours before I would even be told. I was at the gym, on the end elliptical, staring at a television and I can almost smell the sweat and moisture all over again. This is particularly of interest because I can't even remember most of what I did yesterday. How can I so vividly recall what I was doing in the moment he passed, when I had no idea it was happening?

I don't think I have truly healed from my dad's passing. I think I have scarred. The wounds that were so violently ripped open were not closed up with new and renewed skin but instead with mounds of scar tissue so thick not much can penetrate it. In many ways, it caused me to lose a lot of my ability to feel. I felt empty and burdened and allowed myself to act however I thought I needed. I was irresponsible and selfish. I desperately turned to negative things that would temporarily fill my emptiness. I felt untouchable and careless. I did things of which I am not proud. And in the same months, I did things of which I am extremely proud. I managed to finish my last two quarters of college. I challenged myself to run my first half marathon, the whole time doing so thinking of my Dad and how I was running this for him when he couldn't. Even in my desperation, I knew that life would never be the same but that life would indeed go on and I needed to participate in it. I just might be participating a little less enthusiastically than before.

Seven years later and I still have a lot of the same scar tissue but with everyday that passes I can feel Dave and Rivers slowly removing it from me. From their love, I am beginning to feel vulnerable again. I can literally feel my skin softening everyday as I realize what a beautiful life I have and how full and rich it is. I can feel more than I have in years. I can worry and stress more than I thought I'd ever be able to. I can feel sadness on levels lighter than the devastation of loosing my dad. I can feel excitement and anticipation that I thought were permanently gone. I can miss him without feeling anger or confusion. I can wish he was here without feeling desperate that he absolutely MUST be here. I can love him still. I'm not exactly feeling free but in many ways I am feeling new again.

A Preschooler.

Today, Rivers started preschool. She will be going Tuesdays and Thursday full days while I'm working. As I had been used to taking her to daycare every Wednesday I thought I would be more emotionally prepared for this but as I drove to work after leaving her the tears welling in my eyes told me otherwise. It is the strangest mix of emotions. I feel guilt, excitement, relief, stress, pride and worry. As I was driving I recalled feeling this way when we started daycare. I remember barely being able to drive to work that day, my eyes were so wet with tears as I wept and worried if I had done the right thing. Today I realized this won't be the last time I feel this way and it will happen time and time again throughout my life. I'm sure I'll feel this when her little brother arrives in February. I will feel this way when she starts kindergarten, elementary, junior high and high school. I will feel this way driving away from her after dropping her off at college.  I will feel this way for the rest of my life - it is the mother's lot in life. It is change and for the first time in my life change is becoming bittersweet. Up until this point in my life change was something I was always ready for. Always ready for the next new exciting thing around the corner. But now? Now I'm protective of my time, my little girl and my heart. She has changed change for me. It is still wonderful but it is oh so bittersweet.

A Two Year Old

There's a two year old who walks these halls.
A two year old who tests the strength of the construction of our house with the volume her lungs project.
Who runs on the tile and occassionally slips when her socks do not provide enough grip.
A little lady who twirls on the rugs and asks to play "Rosies" no less than 15 times a day.
There is a two year old who has spilled milk and stained our couch with yogurt covered handprints.
A two year old who adores her dog and tells strangers all day how "Ralphie is good boy dog too".
Who hides her toys in cabinets and four hours later recalls exactly where they were.
A little lady who emphasizes "I do it myself" and insists to start at the beginning if you try to help at any point along the way.
There's a two year old who tries to stretch bedtime by asking "I watch Mickey?" "Read books, mom?" "Dad, lay down." and the sweetest diversion of all "More kisses, Daddy."
A two year old who asks for time out and prefers to eat her meals alone in the time out room behind closed doors.
Who calls her dad, Daddy Boy.
A little lady who tells her Momma to "Holda Me".
There's a two year old who is strong-willed but sensitive.
A two year old who shows so much empathy it makes me want to be a more caring person.
Who loves to snuggle and tell you how she's "cozy".
A little lady who is perfectly mine.
There's a two year old in this house that is mine. All mine.

A Very Sweet Surprise.

I woke up Tuesday morning in a funk. I may or may not have gotten into a disagreement the night before with someone and unfortunately my body always takes a long time to recover from such things. I felt naseuous and tired and wished that it had never happened. I knew the day would look up because it was Tuesday and Tuesday is one of my days home with Rivers. She is so much fun right now and so well behaved and I treasure every moment. We had just started our morning routine of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for her and checking my email for me. I was getting pretty quick and heavy handed with the swiping and deleting on my iphone when I swiped an email and just before I pushed the delete confirmation button a little voice in my head said STOP. The title of the email read "Gilt & The Honest Company Diapers" and the first line of the email was visible and read "Megan, Congratulations!" Over a month ago I had entered a giveaway on Gilt.com for a year's supply of free diapers. I never win such things and usually I hate to even give my email address away but I LOVE these diapers and was feeling risky that day. So when the little voice in my head stopped me, I was half hopeful that I won something and half-concerned that I was now privy to extra spam mail. When I started to read the email, I could not believe that it in fact said "Megan, Congratulations! I'm writing to inform you that your name was selected as the Grand Prize winner in the Gilt and The Honest Company Diaper Sweepstakes. The Grand Prize is a one-year supply of diapers furnished by The Honest Company. This prize has a retail value of $959.40."

............................................Say what?

I was so excited and so conflicted. My emotions wavered between @)*$)*)@($ Yay! to questioning if this was a scam. I kept reassuring myself that I did in fact enter a contest to win such a prize, unlike those  unsolicited emails you get from someone in Africa saying you are entitled to a lot of money. I quickly forwarded all paperwork to Dave to look over and he told me everything looks fine. We will have to pay taxes on the prize since it is over $600 in a value so I had to provide them with some personal information so that they can issue me a 1099. A fraction of me is still concerned I will be subjected to total identity theft within the next few months but at this point the majority of me is excited.

With Rivers I had always paid a little extra for diapers for an eco-friendly biodegradable brand of diapers by Nature Babycare that I really love. We sampled The Honest Company diapers with her and while I found them totally adorable they were more expensive than the Nature Babycare I purchased off of Amazon. I am so beyond excited that I will get to dress another baby's bum in eco-friendly diapers that are so adorable. I cannot wait for my little man to get here to see him in these:

Feeling so very blessed and very grateful! I am usually not the person who wins such things but if there was any prize I would want to win, I think this would be near the top!

Take Two: Pattern Review: Vintage Simplicity 7817

After a long drought, I finally felt inspired to sew for myself again. I have started three other maternity dresses that were not going to look as I imagined so I abandoned them all and gave up for a while. Even though I had not yet worn the other shirt I made from this pattern I knew I liked it enough to give it a second go around. I added piping to the collar to help break up the crazy pattern of the fabric and I love the result! I was sincerely shocked by how well my seams lined up keeping the diagonal pattern. The shoulders are less broad this time and I added an inch to the length to accommodate this ever swelling belly. I'm very happy with how it turned out and definitely happy to add a new wearable top to my closet. Especially when considering it cost me less than $10 to make!

I found out yesterday that I am officially gestational diabetes free this pregnancy. I am so surprised as I had not been feeling great but I am so relieved. I am so happy to know I will get to experience going in to labor on my own. Getting induced wasn't the worst experience but it brought on immediate wild contractions and I'd like to know what the crescendo is like. I still have the mind frame of a pregnant woman with diabetes and feel guilt everytime I look at something sweet to eat. It might take awhile for me to lose that and maybe I won't. The latter would certainly help my waistline more. 15 weeks remain-it would only be 14 if I was to be induced, so I am happy for the extra time. I am sincerely alarmed by how fast this pregnancy is happening.

New Orleans.

We were invited to a wedding in New Orleans on November 3rd and while wavering on whether or not to attend we ultimately decided that in a few short months it will be infinitely harder to get away for a weekend with two little ones in tow, so we booked the tickets and invited Oma Dachtler. I was anxious about travelling with Rivers, even though she had already been on five flights before. We recently went to Yosemite and it was hard on her to be off her schedule and out of sorts, I was worried this trip would be more of the same. I couldn't have been more wrong. She was an absolute delight the whole time and was so excited to get out and explore the city. My mom purchased a harness backpack (oh the things I said I would never do when I have kids) but it worked marvelously and allowed Rivers to feel independent while we knew she was safe and unable to disappear. We went to the Louisiana Children's Museum, Oma took her to the zoo, and we all went to the aquarium. It was such a lovely trip and I was so thankful that my mom and Rivers were there.

Brunch at The Court of Two Sisters. Boogie is sampling some bread pudding in this picture.



At the New Orleans Aquarium. She was so brave in trying to touch one of the stingrays in the petting tank.

In other news, I am about 24.5 weeks pregnant and my belly is bulging. I am honestly concerned as to how I'm going to make any more room for this growing gentleman but there is nothing I can do but sit back and let it happen. I had my repeat gestational diabetes test yesterday and am waiting on the results. I have not been feeling that great so I'm feeling inclined to believe I do have it again.

Pregnancy Stats:

How Far Along: 24.5 weeks

Size of baby: Rutabaga

Total Weight Gain: 13 lbs

Gender: Boy

Movement: The last few weeks the movement has slowed down but I think I have been too busy and too tired to pay attention.

Sleep: We are coming off a week of Rivers having croup and only sleeping through 2 of 7 nights and a vacation to New Orleans. In other words, I'm tired!

Cravings: Nothing in particular at the moment.

Best Moment this week: Agreeing on two names with Dave. I'm not sure which we will pick but I am so relieved to know we have two we are both happy with. Also, the nursery has been painted and the wallpaper goes up Monday! I'm so happy to get started on this fun process!

(Printing Toy Story Coloring Pages from the Disney website)

Me: Oh who's next???
Rivers: BUZZ!
Me: Ok, another one is printing.
Rivers: Jesse!
Me: Here is another one
Rivers: Horsey!
Me: Ok, last one! Who is it?
Rivers: ........
Me: It's Zurg!!!!!
Rivers: Hold me.

Of course she does.

This gem popped up in my Yahoo news feed and I could not refrain from laughing out loud in my office. Of course Rosie O'Donnell wants to renovate a house for the stars of Honey Boo Boo. Of course she does. Her generosity astounds me.

And crap, now I've posted a picture of both of them on my blog. What have I come to?

Carmelitas.

Do yourself a favor and whip up a little batch of these.

Ooooh, We're Halfway There!

The halfway point has been reached. The boy is forming a solid little belly and is moving nonstop all the time. I am constantly begging and pleading with him to please take advantage of his whole womb and not just the lower region as he sits on my bladder ALL DAY LONG. I don't recall this being an issue with Rivers at all but this time it is BAD. So bad that I'm using a lot of CAPS up in here. Other than this I am at a really comfortable point in my pregnancy. I am beginning to start on the nursery so that I'm not 8 months pregnant and making 20 pound curtains that required me to sit on the tile floor for ample space like I did with Rivers. Also, the coming months are bringing a lot of holidays and I know time will fly and before we know it he will be here. At this rate he will be here nameless but that's ok. I'm sure we will be forced to agree on something once the birth certificate paperwork is in our laps. Rivers is starting to catch on to the idea of the brother and everytime I ask her where baby brother is she points to my belly. Whether or not the belly gets a kiss depends greatly on the time of day and her overall mood at the moment.

And for my own paper trail:

Pregnancy Stats:

How Far Along: 20 weeks

Size of baby: Banana

Total Weight Gain: 10 lbs

Gender: Boy

Movement: As previously mentioned: all the time. He is always kicking really low and a lot of times his movement feels like he's doing shimmies or rolls. I never experienced that with Rivers.

Sleep: Pretty great sleep right now and a dear husband who gets up with Rivers every morning so I can have 30 extra minutes.

Cravings: Spicy things, fall baked goods, baked goods in general: specifically these carmelitas things I'm going to have to try tonight

Best Moment this week: Seeing our little man moving at his 20 week ultrasound and hearing that everything looks wonderful.

Bummer Moment of the week: Finding out that I will have to take the gestational diabetes test again at 24 weeks. Hoping and praying for normal results so that I can enjoy carmelitas the rest of my pregnancy if they turn out to be as delicious as they look.

A Sneaky Treat

Pinterest. It has opened my eyes and my belly to things I would never have known. My most exciting recent find is chocolate frosting shots made from coconut milk. I had never opened a can of coconut milk before and was surprised to find it thick like whipped cream. Don't shake your can! The recipe suggests opening the can and letting it sit in the refrigerator over night so that the whole can gets thick. I wish I had done this as only 25% of my can was thick but it was enough to experiment with. Since my milk portion was off I just improvised to taste with the following ingredients: cocoa powder, vanilla extract and powdered sugar. The result is very tasty but with every bite my brain screams It's Not Buttercream!!! Every night I get into it, I find the taste better and the consistency is so delicious, like thick frosting or mousse. I can't believe this girl made a vegan dessert and is enjoying it. Give it a try!

17 weeks and some change

17 weeks and 3 days over here. I have been feeling lots of movement regularly for about two weeks now. I had forgotten just how magical those little thumps are and this time around they seem perhaps even more precious since I have tangibly held a little being that did similar thumpings. This pregnancy is truly flying by and I often forget that I am even pregnant until I get a little kick or a side-mirror glance at my growing bump and I instantly smile thinking of this little gentleman that for now, is all mine. The name debate seems neverending around here and I have this feeling he will not have a name until he is here in our arms. We aren't agreeing on much and I think I am choosing names that would suit a baby boy who looks like Rivers when there is a chance (although in my heart of hearts, I feel they will look just the same) that this baby could look completely different.

Pregnancy Stats:

How Far Along: 17 weeks

Size of baby: Sweet Potato

Total Weight Gain: 7 lbs (5 of which have jumped on me within the past two weeks. Ridiculous) 

Gender: BOY (I still can't believe it!)

Movement: I always feel him when I've been moving around a lot and finally sit down. Probably about 4 times a day now and at night!

Sleep: Sleeping alright minus the potty breaks. Having a hard time falling back asleep once I get up to potty. 

Cravings: Spicy Pad Thai Pasta, Cornichons, Vinegar and Chocolate

Best Moment(s) this week: Coming home to the babysitter saying Rivers was pretending to take a phone call from "Brother".

Baby Boy is going to get his first taste of Sin City this weekend when we go to Vegas to see Garth Brooks! I'm also feeling lucky so we'll see how the Craps tables treat me! Momma needs money for maternity clothes and a new nursery!

Yosemite

 My baby dear checking out the baby deer in Yosemite. Just this one second of cuteness makes up for hours upon hours of pure stinker behavior.

The Birthday Surprise

You may recall me touting my decision to wait until delivery day to find out the gender of this baby. Well, Dave really wanted to know and ultimately I realized it wasn't that big of a deal to me. I didn't tell him I had changed my mind and I went and got a secret ultrasound yesterday morning. I had the tech put the picture in the envelope so I wouldn't know either. My big plan was to take a box to Party City and have them blow up pink or blue balloons and seal it. I was then going to wrap the box as a present so Dave had no idea. Have you heard that there is a national helium shortage? In short, no one in town has helium and thus the balloons were not going to happen. I ended up blowing up pink and blue balloons myself and purchasing one it's a girl banner and one it's a boy. I asked a coworker to bury the correct one at the bottom of the box and seal it. I then wrapped the box and stuck a big bow on it. It worked splendidly! Dave had to dig for the answer and I was honestly so shocked when he pulled out the sign below. I am over the moon!!!!

Ralphers Goes Posh Spice

Until Ralphie I had never owned a dog that needed to be groomed. We always had dachshunds or labs who required very little, if any, beauty treatments. Ralphers is not that kind of dog. He gets straight up wild if we don't tend to his locks every few months.

Before we take him we always ask what celebrity he wants his hair cut like and it has ranged from Justin Bieber to Gary Busey. This time we forgot to ask Ralphie so I told the groomer to trim him up short but leave his eyelashes. I don't know why I forget but it never fails that they don't trim the hair on his ears and I always make a mental note to fix that next time. When I picked Ralphers up on Friday, I berated myself again once I saw his ear hair but I thought he still looked pretty cute.

On Saturday we took a family bike ride to our favorite bagel shop. I left Ralphie outside with Dave and Rivers while I ran in to fix my coffee. While pouring the creamer I overheard a group of college age friends talking about Ralphers and laughing. I strained to hear exactly what was so funny just in time to hear "that dog has an A-frame haircut". GASP. My Mr. Bud Bud got the Posh Spice. I was hoping he wouldn't notice but he's been extra clingy lately so I know he's feeling self conscious. I feel so bad because I keep laughing to myself every time I see him. My poor, sweet boy. Next time I won't forget to ask him what celebrity he wants to look like and he can tell me what he wants, what he really really wants.

A Toddler in Action: Foot Flare

I think Rivers is on to a new trend. A little bit of foot flare that felt oddly awesome. It's a great little game for me. She goes into the other room to get a new rubberband, places it on my foot and repeat. In the meantime, I lay on the couch the whole time snuggled with Ralphadoo.

The Most Delicious Chicken

With no hesitation, I will tell you this is the most delicious tasting chicken I have ever had the honor of placing between my molars. It is so good that on nights I make it I don't even eat dessert because I am too busy in the kitchen eating little pieces left in the pan with all the remaining juices. I can't take credit for it, I found it on this blog: http://healthyeasyrecipes.blogspot.com
But every time I make it (so easy) and every time I eat it (so yummy) I am overcome with the need to share this treasure. So if anyone reads this anymore, this is for YOU.

Without further ado, may I present the honorable Lemon Honey Chicken.

2 Tbsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp honey
1/8 cup grape seed oil (I never have
this and just use olive oil)
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 large chicken breasts sliced in half
and half again

Put everything in a large ziplock bag and mix together. Let refrigerate for an hour or longer but no more than two hours. Pour the whole bag into a skillet and brown chicken by cooking four minutes on each side. Put all contents into Pyrex dish and bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

I've served this with veggies and potatoes or rice and just recently with pasta and homemade pesto. It is delicious in pita wraps too. This chicken can do no wrong! Enjoy!!!

13 weeks.

The second trimester is here and I can hardly believe it. This pregnancy in many ways has felt slow as molasses and quick as lightning. It is an interesting dichotomy. I am feeling really good. Energetic, no nausea, less bloating but the scale is definitely starting to tip. I have been trying very hard to be active this pregnancy and go to the gym at least three times a week and so far I think I have gained less than I did with Rivers, which is my goal. It is really a silly goal. Ultimately I know my body will do what it wants to (and it is already starting to show me that) but I just want to be in better shape this go around.

I have been wearing maternity clothes for a few weeks now, mostly because they are the new clothes hanging in my closet and therefore the ones I gravitate to each morning but today I squeezed into a pair of regular jeans and they still button up. I don't think I'm showing quite as much as I hoped I would be at this point but apparently people are starting to notice.

I cannot believe this little human will be here in approximately six months. I had to be induced last time due to gestational diabetes and as I don't have it this time, it will be interesting to experience the natural process of going into labor (if my body does so on it's own). This really is a crazy waiting game but overall I think I am much less consumed with this pregnancy than I was with Rivers. I have my plate full of activities for the next few months so I'm just trying to keep my head above water at this point. Did I tell you that my book club chose a book that is 980 pages!!!!!!!!! We spread it across two months but even then it is still a lot of reading. I've got about 60 pages left and I cannot wait. I am going to slam this book in some cupboard as soon as I'm done and not lift it ever again. Forever Amber. Have you heard of it? It really is a good book but I'm sick of it at this point. I haven't cared for the main character from the beginning and I'm just over her antics. Do you have any good suggestions for books for my book club?

It may not mean much to anyone else....but we be gestational diabetes free up in here!!!!!!


Apparently I am so excited I have forgotten proper English.

Pattern Review: Vintage Simplicity 7817

I recently pulled out my maternity clothes and what once seemed so cute and trendy now seems dated and tired. I just don't think there is much there I can really wear again. You know at the end, I was so desperate I was wearing a pink cotton t shirt with a stain right on the front. Can you believe I saved that shirt? What in my mind made me think I would want to wear that again for another pregnancy? It's baffling.

Thus a new obsession has been born. Vintage maternity patterns on Etsy. I'll be ten weeks on Saturday and I have already purchased three patterns. I just can't help myself. Everyday there are new and cute ones that make me think - YEAH! That will make these coming months of awkward body more exciting. They range in price from $6 - $12 so I know ultimately it is cheaper than buying maternity clothes and I get to have more fun with fabric choice. I won't mess with making maternity pants - just start looking at some of those vintage patterns for those and you will immediately begin feeling bad for your grandmother. Pretty hilarious. So I have been buying patterns for tops and dresses that I like. I started to make one and abandoned it before the zipper even went in because the stripes were never going to line up. Then I started another and was to the point of finishing the cuff on the sleeves (SO CLOSE) when my sewing machine broke. The top sat unfinished in my sewing room for nearly two weeks until today when I picked up my repaired machine!

Cutting to the chase, I know I am going to wear this shirt but the whole time I was finishing it I couldn't stop thinking "You can't win them all." The fit is not the best but I don't have a real belly yet so it will probably improve. The shoulders are too broad but I can fix that the next time I make the shirt. I LOVE the Peter Pan collar and am already dreaming of making the next one with a sequined collar and heavy Georgette fabric. The fabric combination is a little clownish but I like it. Are you embarrassed for me that I made a shirt that matches the same one I made for Rivers? You probably should be. Am I? No. I have found I purposely try to match her quite often. My mom did it for me and I shall return the favor. Overall:    A (maternity clothing is on a reduced scale. In other words this top would probably earn a C+ on the regular clothing scale)

Ralpherson makes the shirt even cuter than it really is. We could also label this: homegirl really needs to touch up her roots.

With this pose I think I can officially retire any dreams of ever becoming a fashion blogger.

Yup. See caption above.

Our only full length mirror is in the laundry room

A preview of my next maternity sewing project

On My Mind: It was a Nice Thought But....

I don't think I'm going to make it 7 more months to find out what this child is.

Pickled Okra

The only craving I had with Rivers was root beer. Dave once even had a basket delivered to my office with cookies and an assortment of root beer brands. It was utterly delicious and I indulged almost daily until 27 weeks when I learned I had gestational diabetes. What a real bummer that was for my pregnant ears. I was put on a low carb diet and had to test my blood sugar 4 times daily. It really wasn't too big of a deal because thankfully I was able to control it with diet alone and it probably saved me from really packing on the pounds at the end when I was feeling especially pregnant and therefore felt entitled to my food.

I'll be tested for gestational at 11.5 weeks this time. Considering the odds are very high that I will have it again, that means I could be looking at 28+ weeks of 15 grams of carbs for breakfast, 60 for lunch and dinner and 15 for a nighttime snack. 15 grams of carbs is a piece of bread, y'all. I always felt like I was starving on the diet, which is overly dramatic but I was eating for two!!!

So maybe that is why this time the cravings are infinite. It is like my body has an intuition as to what is to come and is storing up for the long winter. For no reason other than it amuses me and I want to remember, the list of cravings is as follows:

-Pickled okra
-Luigi's red wine vinaigrette on butter lettuce with carrots and tomatoes (this is by FAR my biggest craving and I think about it no less than three times daily)
-Pace salsa (i love that trash)
-Kung Pao chicken
-Rice. Fried rice. Brown rice. Risotto.
-BBQ chicken
-Enchiladas

I'm experiencing some food aversion this time and I know that is why I'm indulging my cravings so intensely- I better eat what sounds awesome otherwise I won't be eating. Has Dave sent me a basket with all my favorites you ask? Well, considering he told me he was sick of the cravings on Sunday, I don't think that will be happening anytime soon. Poor guy. He's got it rough this time around.

The Long Wait

This pregnancy is totally different than the last. I can't help but wonder if that means it is a baby boy who has taken up residence in my belly. I really am excited to know but I'm determined to wait until eviction time on some day in February. This whole waiting to find out is my own personal test to learn patience. It has never been a strong suit. When I was little my dad would have me repeat after him "Patience is a virtue." While a sweet sentiment, it had no effect on my personality and ultimate belief that everything is better NOW. I lack willpower and as proof I offer up the anecdote that I have always looked up the winner on the Bachelor or Bachelorette well before the season ends and sometimes even before it begins. After Rivers I decided that with my next pregnancy I was going to wait for the BIG SURPRISE to know whether I had a new daughter or son. So when the new season of the Bachelorette started, I considered it to be my mini-test. (Yes, now you have a glimpse into just how much of a silly woman I am). Now that we are less than a week away from the finale, I am proud to say I have avoided any speculation or proof on who stole Emily's heart. In other words - I did it. If I can wait 10 weeks to find out the winner of the Bachelorette then I am automatically qualified to wait 8+ months to find out what my new child is. Total logic at its finest.

The truth is, I'm at complete peace with whatever gender God has blessed us with this time. I know this child is going to be completely different from our Riverbunsin and whether that difference shows up as a little boy or another little lady is fine by me. While I'm working on my patience.....I want February to come NOW! Ok, maybe not now. Wait until I have Rivers potty trained and then come. Thank you dearly.

Remember this post? The verdict is in: Fertile Myrtle.

Big smiles over here.

Estimated to arrive February 23, 2013. Boy or girl, we will not know but I'm certain this babe will look just like Dave.

Don't be fooled by her fair white skin...this girl is a beach bunny.

Bums and Blessings

Sweet child of mine, oh how she brings me so much joy. She is fiesty, wild, brave, sensitive, sweet, and oh so very funny. This disciplining thing is terribly hard because I want to laugh at all the naughty things she does and says. I know this stage is so small in the grand scheme of her life and I find it hard to be sincerely frustrated with her. Ok. Maybe that's not the whole truth. Let me clarify: at HOME I find it hard to be sincerely frustrated with her. In public, the frustration sets in quickly as my face turns red from embarrassment and I try to find my 3rd and 4th missing hands that I need to help wrangle this wild beast in. Even in these moments I feel so much sympathy for her. I can only imagine her frustration with her lack of understanding, lack of communication and having to learn that she can not always get her way. I know just how difficult all of this is because I have still not mastered much of it myself.

It is hard to describe how this baby girl makes me feel. It is hard to measure the size my heart swells up to when I think of her. It is hard to fathom the gaping hole my heart would have if she were never to have entered my life. When she looks into my eyes asking me questions, I often lose my breath with the disbelief that this beautiful creature is mine. She was born from my body and will forever know me as her mother. That is crazy!!!!!

This morning we were showering and I put a drop of foam soap in each of her hands and told her to scrub up while I turned my back so I could face the water. I expected her to start cleaning her little body as she normally does but was taken by surprise when I felt two chubby little hands working in opposite circular motions on my bum. We like to emphasize "dirty buns" around here and apparently Mama needed some assistance in that department. In such moments of sweetness, I can feel my heart fall to it's knees exhaulting God for His blessings. They are infinite, they are small, they are mighty, and they are ever present as long as we are present for them. This motherhood thing.....is a pretty mighty blessing.

Hello Again

Sorry for the silence. I've been working full time the past few weeks and can you believe it has affected my blogging?? I had a whole post saved in my drafts about my thoughts on this "Bang Braid" sweeping the blogging world but I finally deleted it because it wasn't nice. And since I didn't have anything nice to say, I simply didn't say anything at all on my blog for way too long. Please forgive me. I'll be getting back in to the swing of things soon, but until then.....have a great weekend!!!!

And because I know you are curious: this is what the Bang Braid reminds me of every time I see it.

To emphasize my point let me do this:

SEE! NOTHING NICE TO SAY.

Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is......

GOLD.

So much fun this past weekend with these lovely ladies from yonder days. What a good boost for the soul.

On My Mind: Daniel and the Squirrel

Image found on Google Images: This is NOT Helen Keller

When I was living in LA and going to FIDM, I had a job working for a clothing company called Kritik. It was a pretty exciting job as the company was really taking off and there were only 7 employees to man the fort. We were getting big but not quite big enough to justify hiring more help so there was always plenty of work to be done. We operated out of a house in Beverly Hills and our storage room for all our past season clothes was the guest house out back. Despite all our best efforts it never failed that the storage room became disorganized and our computer inventory was never quite accurate when compared to what sat on the shelves. As a result, we turned to outside help. Someone found a "professional organizer" on Craigslist and a week later he started. His name was Daniel and every time I was around him I couldn't stop thinking about Ernest Saves Christmas. He was definitely eclectic, eccentric and he may have even lived out of his car but he worked hard. One day Daniel showed up a teeny bit late with a really big story. He found this squirrel: a baby squirrel. And he was able to confirm that the baby squirrels' mother had died. So he did what any good Samaritan would do and put the baby in his car. He put the squirrel in his car to live until she was old enough to fend for herself. Remember how I mentioned that Daniel might have lived in his car? Well he did live in his car and therefore spent his nights with a rambunctious baby squirrel hopping all over his face and seats, doing heaven knows what else. Have you noticed how fast squirrels really move? He would show up to work with scratches as evidence of her handiwork. He named her Helen Keller. I would sit at my desk on the second floor and look out the window at a spastic squirrel literally flying from one part of the car to the other and I would think to myself.....no one could write this. That image is forever ingrained in my memory and I laugh every time I think of it. I know that Helen Keller was eventually released because I remember the tears streaming down Daniel's face when he told us of their departure but every time I see a squirrel (which is 20 times a day here) I find myself often wondering what happened to Daniel. If you live in the LA area and happen to find a "professional organizer" on Craigslist named Daniel: hire him. I'm positive you will walk away with a wonderful story of your own.

A Pillow for a Chair

The black and white striped armchair in my sewing room needs a pillow, but I'm afraid the story needs a little more back information than that.

We purchased a model home. We were newly wedded, freshly pregnant and suddenly we needed more space than our current two bedroom home afforded. We searched, we sampled, we argued, we agreed and we moved in to what is now our current home. The best part: it's a former model home. The even better part: we bought it furnished. For a meager amount over the price of the house they threw in the furniture with it and in we moved to play house. It was so surreal the first few days. I felt as though I was living in a hotel but a very odd hotel at that. There were place settings on the table with dishes and a folded napkin which looked quite lovely and inviting. But upon closer inspection it became apparent that the plate was glued to the place mat along with the silverware. In to the trash it went. There were decorative piles of books all hardbound and lovely in appearance but they were bonded by sealant to one another. In to the trash they went. There was a 25 pound 3 foot tall rooster on the kitchen table, in to the.....no I think we still have him somewhere. There were beautiful silk drapes in many of the rooms but the rings by which they should have moved were glued to the curtain rod and so they served no real purpose. In fact, they were stapled to the walls in some areas. Down they came. (Does anyone want large yardage of ivory silk dupioni?)The refrigerator was real. Thank goodness. The plastic computer and television were not. Thankfully we didn't expect them to be real. The towels hanging on racks throughout the bathrooms were clamped with an industrial steel that has proved so difficult to remove they still remain on the racks in the bathrooms. Don't use them if you come over. The house was a jungle; we later gathered every artificial fern, tree, palm and bush that had been placed throughout the house and with no exaggeration the total was 65. The decorative jars were lovely but the tops were....take a guess: sealed to their bottom base. I get the reasoning. I can only imagine what people would find funny when touring a model home. I can only imagine what happened in our house before it became ours. It makes me laugh to think I'd walked through that house years before it became ours. I distinctly remember turning to my mother in the master bedroom and saying "Yep, I could definitely live in this room." And now I litter it with my belongings every single day. So the pillow that currently parks its arse in my black and white armchair (which is so much my favorite chair that some might be lead to believe I purchased the house just for the chair) is just a pillow. The silk is faded, the tassels are breaking apart and leaving their hairs throughout my house, which is strange because the pillow does not get moved. This chair demands A PILLOW. And I've been scouring Etsy for the perfect vintage embroidered pillow and after weeks this is what I want:

Are you still with me? I cannot explain it. I have made the conscious decision to decorate my home with things that make me smile and this pillow is that. While I really do love the colors and the flowers, I really laugh hard at the unicorn in its mystical pen. While 99% of me is sold the 1% of me has its reservations and they are as follows:

1. What is the lettering above the unicorns head? Is it witchcraftery? Dungeons and dragons? Games of Thrones?
2. Is this a recognizable image that medieval fanatics will know and as a result deduce that I know? I assure you I do not know.
3. Is my taste, which is dominated by things that make me smile, really just bad taste?
4. Is a smile really worth the $47 it would cost? Especially in light of the fact that the other pillows I am considering are much less expensive?

Writing this out is really therapeutic for me and has brought me to the great realization that bullet point #3 is the truth. And I must be crazy because even this realization is making me smile.

Tell me...

Why does cold water taste disgusting when drank from a coffee cup?

Stoking the Hunger

 Bring another platter of the baby, s'il vous plait.

So thankful for this picture so I never forget her darling birthmark.

 Feeling a little nostalgic around here and so grateful to the bottom of my soul for these pictures. Lorie Chambless is amazing. http://www.loriechambless.com/